nce
long ago in the land of Chassirrrr-Chanaq lived an upright
young man named Shazbatz Benai, who lived with his mother on the
plains of Chadierrrrrrr. Shazbatz was good to all creatures, from
princes to wiesels. Though it was often his habit to avoid the company
of asps. He was a devoted son and possessed exceptional skills as
a dyer of wool and weaver of garments. His carpets and many colored
coats were renowned throughout all of Nabierrrrrrr.
Then
one day in the fourth month, three sojourners appeared at the rear
gate of Shazbatz' mother, Bazshatz Benai. One, a Mizzerite priest,
pulled a goat on a rope.
"Schazbatz
Benai," said Schazbatz' mother, "three men are wearied
out by the gate. One of them pulls a goat. Please make yourself
wholesome and offer them water and figs." So Schazbatz obeyed
his mother and brought the men raisin cakes, new figs, and well
water. The Mizzerite's goat ate eighteen wooden weaving pegs and
lapped two bowls of turquoise dye.
When
the men and goat were refreshed, they spoke of kingdoms and kings.
Then the goat looked at Schazbatz and spoke the words of a man.
"Schazbahh...baahh!...bathhtz
Benai...there is homage to pay to the One who baahhh...lives on
the windy dune. Go to him now baahhh... baahhh!... and he will open
your baahhh...mind to baahhh...his will bah! There are many new
truths in the universe Shazbaaahhhbatz Benai. You baahhh...have
been baahhh... chosen. So go now Shazbaaahhh...baahh... baahhh!...batz.
Baahhh...there is much baahhhh!...work to...baahhh!..do on the aahhh...baaahhh!...dune.
Baahhhh."
Shazbatz
was taken by the goat's strange words, What manner of goat is
this that bleats the words of a man and bids me to go? Shazbatz
thought. Then Shazbatz asked the Mizzerite the meaning of his goat.
"He
is special goat as you can see Shazbatz Benai. It is he who brought
us here from Maccccchabib to bring you his words of wisdom. He is
most holy and speaks the truth."
"And
what, Mizzerite, is the name of this one I must seek? And where
lies this windy dune?" Shazbatz asked.
"His
name is Naaaaabaaahhh...Naaaa...baaahhh...chabiem.... Nachabiem
Lauchadien El Kibaaahhh...Kibutz El Cadieen," said the
goat. "But his worshipers...baahhh!...know him...aahhh...as
the 'most holy one on the windy dune.' The dune lies to the east
in the Araaahhh...the Arabian plane in Aaaahhhh...Aqabaaaah...baaahhh!...
Aqaba. Aqaba."
"He
will make you wise beyond your years," the priest said,"
but you must seek him now to find his will."
"And
what is his will priest?" Shazbatz asked, now disturbed by
the stranger's words.
"You
cannot know the one's true will until you sojourn to seek him. Go
now Shaaaazbatz...baahhh!...Benai. Go to the windy dune,"
the goat butted in, now angered by Shazbatz' questionings.
"I
must leave my mother and weaving business to hear of this one's
holy truths?" Shazbatz asked.
"Yes,
but you must leave with the morning's sun," said the Mizzerite.
Then the priest stood up to bid his leave and handed Shazbatz a
map. "It is holy map Shazbatz," said the priest, now disturbed
by the goat's displeasure. "It will show you the way to the
one on the windy dune." Then he stood up and bid his leave.
"So
be it, and peace be upon you Mizzerite priest! And to you goat,
the oddest of goats I have ever seen," Shazbatz said as they
left to go.
The
other two sojourners in the company were angered by Shazbatz' words,
but they bid the lad a good journey nevertheless.
After
the men left, Shazbatz Benai ran to his mother Bazshatz Benai, to
tell of his strange encounter with the holy goat.
"He
is a holy goat mother," Shazbatz explained. But his mother
fought against his words.
"Shazbatz Benai, goats of his kind are few, so
why should he speak to you?" his mother asked.
"I
know not why mother," answered Shazbatz. "But when the
goat looked and spoke, I sensed my destiny at the windy dune. Please
mother, I must go."
"Please
no! my son," pleaded Shazbatz' mother. "There are plans
for you at present, and I dearly need you."
"Yes,
I know mother, and we shall fulfill those in time. But for now,
I must ready myself for this appointed journey to the one who waits
at the windy dune."
In
the darkness of the new day's dawn, Shabatz Benai made ready his
camel and left Chassirrrrr-Chanaq in the plain of Chadierrrrrrr
for the deserts of Shish-kabob. And verily, they were hot. The first
few day's were wearying from the heat. So Shazbatz Benai sojourned
by night to avoid Shish-kabob's heat.
On
the evening of the fifth night, Shazbatz Benai thought he saw the
dune in the moonlight by the wells of Aquaba. So he stopped to sleep
with great hope of meeting the one on the dune in the early morning
sun.
But
a sudden sand storm kept Shazbatz awake most of the night. And when
the sun rose in the morning, the dune by the wells was gone. It
had been scattered away by the night's windy storm.
So
Shazbatz led his camel east to continue with his search.
"No
worry Yesirrr, we will find the one further east," Shazbatz
said to his camel, to comfort himself.
On
the sixth day of Shazbatz Benai's journey, another dune appeared.
But it too blew away as he drew near. The same occurred on the new
moon and on older moons six nights past.
While
the sun rose on the seventh day, Shazbatz' camel Yesirrr, nudged
his master and spoke the words of a man.
"Shazbatz
you are a retarted giffeldefish. A schlemiel of moronic proportions,
Oy!" said the talking camel.
"My
camel speaks?" Shazbatz mumbled as he rolled out of his sleep.
"Yes,
son of men. I have now carried your burden for seven hot days and
six freezing nights in this miserable Arabian desert. And today
I am prompted to speak," the camel said.
"So,
speak," Shabatz said.
"The
dunes are not there when you arrive to worship Shazbatz Benai. The
one whom you seek also blows with the sand when the wind scatters
the desert as you approach. Can you not see this? Can you not see
that the will of the Mizzerite and his wood eating goat is to keep
you distracted all of your days, chasing Arabian wind? It can never
be caught and can never be found," the camel said.
Shazbatz
Benai was astounded at the truth of Yesirrr's words, and bowed before
the beast.
"It
takes the words of a carrier of baggage to show me how foolish
I am?" Shazbatz quizzed in pitied remorse.
"Get
up klutz,"and go home to your mother," Yesirrr said. "You
have missed thirty orders of coats and some ten fleeces since the
goat and his blockhead servants distracted your affairs. The goat
visits everyone according to his own ways. And your mother has cooked
three pots of staling chicken soup since you have been away,"
Yesirrr rebuked.
"But
most important Shazbatz Benai," the camel continued, "no
sacrifice was offered on the eve of the dawn of the new day of the
old morning before you left.. So the Most High has now touched me
to speak His words. He is ready to forgive and is awaiting your
Sabbath vows. So get up fish. Get home wid ya now," Yesirrr
finished, and spoke not again.
Seven nights later as Shabatz Benai returned home
to the plains of Kadierrrrrrr, a bright light appeared in the heavens
over Shazbatz' home. And a small voice pierced the tranquil silence
of the starlit night, "Shazbatzzzz..." it echooedd lightly.
"Whatsamattau? Zince ven does a gut boy like you listen to
da vurds of goats ant Ishmaelites? Watch out for da goat always
boy. He vants to get yours. Tell him no no, never yes. Ant let no
zudden disturbance convuse you kid. Vindy dunes are vor vagabonds
ant those widdout my mizpeach. Get it? Get on wid ya now. Be good.
Ant nefer forgit to be kind to your mother, ant strangers, ant aliens,
ant widows, ant orphans too," the voice finished.
So
Shazbatz Benai returned to his calling, bought his mother a new
habit, and prospered greatly as he grew in faith.
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